where do i go from here?
The past two weeks have been extremely exhausting. And no, it’s actually not from the lack of sleep due to a newborn. I’m talking emotionally exhausting. Scott had 10 days of leave because of Emmersyn’s birth. In so many ways it was great having him here. I’m so glad that they kids were able to spend some much quality time with him. And for the first time since our separation, we were able to have decent and eye opening conversations. It was a relief to get so much off my chest.
Yet, it was so very hard having Scott around. I was reminded daily of what could have been. It brought back feelings that I had tried to run away from. I saw glimmers of hope that God was working to change the path of our relationship. When Scott headed back to NC, I felt that I had lost him all over again…that I was back at square one…picking up the pieces of my heart once again.
And I’m left questioning, what’s next? Where do I go from here?
The truth is, thinking about letting go of what could be is killing me. But holding on is killing me too…
My name is Marah. I am a twenty-four year old, stay at home mom and aspiring photographer. I’m a tandem nursing, cloth diapering, baby wearing, attachment parenting, co-sleeping, semi-crunchy kind of mama to a rambunctious toddler named Kolton, born December 6, 2009 and a beautiful baby girl named Emmersyn, born February 11, 2012. This a story of my journey through life in God's grace.
3 Comments
Jackie Drooger
28 Feb 2012 06:02 am
Oh my honey….I am so sorry. I do not know the answer to that question, and I wish I did. I do know that the verse that came to my mind as I was reading your post was the verse that talks about forgetting the past and pressing on and running the race that God has set before you. I also know that I don’t know the future….but we no someone who does….and with that we can take great confidence. Trust God for the future….move on and focus on raising those two beautiful kids of yours. If God is going to bring Scott back to you, he will. Of if it is in God’s good and perfect will for you to bring a faithful man of God into your life to love and treasure both you and your children, then you will be ready. Either way, focus on drawing closer to God…give this to Him knowing that following Him is ultimately the only path that you want to take.
Sarah Jane
28 Feb 2012 06:02 pm
I don’t know what to say, other than I’m praying for you, and thanks for your honesty. You’ve probably heard this, but God’s in control of all things. I know, easy for me to say that.
Happiness Redefined
06 Mar 2012 11:03 am
[...] one short week ago, I was left questioning…where do i go from here? After writing that post, I felt God telling me that it was time to truly give it all to Him. Not [...]
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